Archive for the 'own publications' Category

Every time I come around here, geriatrician I feel more lost than I initially did…
Maybe the fact that this “blog” of sorts lacks a purpose… I really, REALLY don’t know where it’s going or what it’s supposed to be other than my non-poetic nonsense, non-anything-related yet everything-related place I occasionally write in to give my website something new to see.

I know two or three of you read me (thanks in part to bloglovin. Bless bloglovin.).
But it’s mostly an awkward soliloquy… have I said this before? I think I have.

I’ve been thinking of,
a) re-making the website into blog format (which I really DON’T want to do… there is an art in old fashioned HTML design, really, how many websites do you come across that retain that late 90’s aesthetic?)
b) deleting the blog and just leaving a-e as a portfolio of… my online history, I guess. (But I don’t want to that, either.)

Maybe if someday I have enough free time (which I doubt I ever will – every year projects and duties just pile up) I’ll html this blog.

On entirely different subjects, here is my face as of late.

Since hair is inevitably a subject (which I pretend I don’t care for) that comes up often, I’m going to talk about that.
Because nothing really extraordinary has been happening in my life and my creativity has been stifled by work, duties, and migraines (ALL THE MIGRAINES), I mostly dye my hair. A lot.

So I’ll pretend this might be useful to SOMEBODY out there.

I must say, my DIY toner has been everything I’ve needed to achieve something close to the true platinum white I wanted.
My hair is almost white (though just a few hours ago I dyed it in pastels – you’ll see for sure – but it’s almost white UNDER the current dye). It was a painstaking process that went on for months… I never noticed my hair grew so fast! Just as it was light enough, new roots started growing in that turned yellow with bleach… so it was never even (and still isn’t).

If you are a natural brunette who wants to go white, there are two products I will recommend:

  • Clairol Born Blonde Maxi – for subborn black roots. Easier to apply and a teensy bit less abrasive than powder bleach. However, leaves your dark hair a hideous limoncello yellow (see first blonde pics).
  • L’Oreal Excellence Creme Blonde Supreme in Lightest Ash Blonde – Apply (if you’re not scared) a few days after using Born Blonde. It lightens, though not drastically, but the shade is a really beautiful light ash blonde that is totally not disgusting.

Then, of course, use my toner recipe.
I learned that it’s almost the same thing as the toning conditioners which are a violet color to neutralize brassiness. I also used some toning shampoos (Clairol Shimmering Lights).

This will work much better if your hair is naturally blonde or a lighter shade… my hair is very dark brown, so I’m only very nearly there.

Now with no deceiving app filter:
2013-07-16 11.50.10

And that’s the end of it. I doubt I’ll be bleaching my roots again.

In case you were wondering about the progress with book-related things, well, there’s a whole other blog for that. Which you can follow on bloglovin as well.

I did a presentation back in April (that should have been a workshop – I might be doing one of those soon, August to be exact) at the UPR in Humacao. Details and visuals on teh blog and the facebook. This photo looks so legit:


WELIF… whatever. I’m filling it with doodles and, given I’m not as talented as others in that department, I need to take my time and be in the right mindset, or else I just end up hating my drawings. So until I finish the handful of illustrations (so many more than I originally planned), there are no news. But I hope to make the most of this week, which is my “vacation” week.

I’ve made a secret instagram I haven’t told anyone about… because I have so many followers on my private one (most of them people I know), I feel self conscious about what I post. I really just want to upload skies and flowers and seashores and selfies. So, if you care to follow (because most people who know me in real life don’t come all the way here), it’s

Also, something I’m looking forward to… I’m going to Triton Festival in September. My first goth thing of a sort ever, seeing bands I love, I don’t know if I’ll explode.




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For a long time I’ve been feeling an overwhelming exhaustion from… being.
It’s kind of embarrassing to talk about… considering it’s not a “real” dilemma.
On the other hand, contagion considering this “NON-BLOG” – where I try to be the least personal – has become a haven for venting, buy since it’s buried under all these frames.

Like you have to come in to a dark room with a door you usually ignore, dosage then crawl under the covers to read it.
That’s how I like to imagine it, anyway.

Well, this exhaustion… I like to set nearly impossible goals for myself, most of which I keep secret, because though I suppose I cope with failure, I like to avoid it at all costs.
I think the last time I felt hopeful about life was while I was still stumbling through my MA, not really sure of what I was doing (as usual), but I thought it would lead me somewhere.
Then I graduated, and hesitated to apply to grad schools for many reasons…

So here I am, and here I’ve been for a long time… with flickers of excitement inbetween, distractions and experiences, none of which I regret… probably because there’s no point in regret, only lessons to be learned.

I’ve mentioned how work really sucks the magic out of me. I’ve been working at the same place for a year now (a year!) and it’s starting to give me an existential itch… wanting to explode.

So I have this (not so crazy idea) that I’ll be carrying out this year.
I also made a decision that I’d been wanting to make for a long time that I haven’t told a soul. (And I’m still not telling. Don’t wonder, it’s not even that interesting, but it is a chosen path of Fate.)

I kind of hate how sometimes my posts become all about my hair… but this is another decision I made that I’d only thought about in terms of “what if.”
Destroying my hair with bleach.

It doesn’t even look like the photos above anymore, I’ve lightened it one more time and the residual colors are fading.
I still feel strange when I look in the mirror and see blonde hairs on my hairbrush…

Though a purely superficial act, it’s symbolic for me… creation in destruction, a sort of death that needed to take place in order to allow rebirth. Rebirth of an imaginary state of being I only assumed in darkness, that took over me when I felt unlike myself…

So this existential discomfort is lifting with the simplest thing… something I want to do.

I’m still drawing pen sketches for Where Everything Lost is Found. I wrote a bit about it at my books blog. My deadline is May. Let’s see if I can come through.


I’ve also been finding scraps in what little is left in my old house, which is to be sold soon. (Not going to talk about that.)

I don’t like the notion that, try as we might, we really are essentially the same person. This little bit below was in a tiny notebook, I never even used it, only transformed it and recycled the rhymes. But it made me go “bleh.” I was perhaps 16 when I wrote it. Not going to use it now, either, but this is precisely the person I’m trying to un-become.

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