Archive for the 'LITERATURE' Category

Every time I come around here, geriatrician I feel more lost than I initially did…
Maybe the fact that this “blog” of sorts lacks a purpose… I really, REALLY don’t know where it’s going or what it’s supposed to be other than my non-poetic nonsense, non-anything-related yet everything-related place I occasionally write in to give my website something new to see.

I know two or three of you read me (thanks in part to bloglovin. Bless bloglovin.).
But it’s mostly an awkward soliloquy… have I said this before? I think I have.

I’ve been thinking of,
a) re-making the website into blog format (which I really DON’T want to do… there is an art in old fashioned HTML design, really, how many websites do you come across that retain that late 90’s aesthetic?)
b) deleting the blog and just leaving a-e as a portfolio of… my online history, I guess. (But I don’t want to that, either.)

Maybe if someday I have enough free time (which I doubt I ever will – every year projects and duties just pile up) I’ll html this blog.

On entirely different subjects, here is my face as of late.

Since hair is inevitably a subject (which I pretend I don’t care for) that comes up often, I’m going to talk about that.
Because nothing really extraordinary has been happening in my life and my creativity has been stifled by work, duties, and migraines (ALL THE MIGRAINES), I mostly dye my hair. A lot.

So I’ll pretend this might be useful to SOMEBODY out there.

I must say, my DIY toner has been everything I’ve needed to achieve something close to the true platinum white I wanted.
My hair is almost white (though just a few hours ago I dyed it in pastels – you’ll see for sure – but it’s almost white UNDER the current dye). It was a painstaking process that went on for months… I never noticed my hair grew so fast! Just as it was light enough, new roots started growing in that turned yellow with bleach… so it was never even (and still isn’t).

If you are a natural brunette who wants to go white, there are two products I will recommend:

  • Clairol Born Blonde Maxi – for subborn black roots. Easier to apply and a teensy bit less abrasive than powder bleach. However, leaves your dark hair a hideous limoncello yellow (see first blonde pics).
  • L’Oreal Excellence Creme Blonde Supreme in Lightest Ash Blonde – Apply (if you’re not scared) a few days after using Born Blonde. It lightens, though not drastically, but the shade is a really beautiful light ash blonde that is totally not disgusting.

Then, of course, use my toner recipe.
I learned that it’s almost the same thing as the toning conditioners which are a violet color to neutralize brassiness. I also used some toning shampoos (Clairol Shimmering Lights).

This will work much better if your hair is naturally blonde or a lighter shade… my hair is very dark brown, so I’m only very nearly there.

Now with no deceiving app filter:
2013-07-16 11.50.10

And that’s the end of it. I doubt I’ll be bleaching my roots again.

In case you were wondering about the progress with book-related things, well, there’s a whole other blog for that. Which you can follow on bloglovin as well.

I did a presentation back in April (that should have been a workshop – I might be doing one of those soon, August to be exact) at the UPR in Humacao. Details and visuals on teh blog and the facebook. This photo looks so legit:

signing

WELIF… whatever. I’m filling it with doodles and, given I’m not as talented as others in that department, I need to take my time and be in the right mindset, or else I just end up hating my drawings. So until I finish the handful of illustrations (so many more than I originally planned), there are no news. But I hope to make the most of this week, which is my “vacation” week.

I’ve made a secret instagram I haven’t told anyone about… because I have so many followers on my private one (most of them people I know), I feel self conscious about what I post. I really just want to upload skies and flowers and seashores and selfies. So, if you care to follow (because most people who know me in real life don’t come all the way here), it’s http://instagram.com/n3cr0phelia.

Also, something I’m looking forward to… I’m going to Triton Festival in September. My first goth thing of a sort ever, seeing bands I love, I don’t know if I’ll explode.

 

 

 

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For a long time I’ve been feeling an overwhelming exhaustion from… being.
It’s kind of embarrassing to talk about… considering it’s not a “real” dilemma.
On the other hand, contagion considering this “NON-BLOG” – where I try to be the least personal – has become a haven for venting, buy since it’s buried under all these frames.

Like you have to come in to a dark room with a door you usually ignore, dosage then crawl under the covers to read it.
That’s how I like to imagine it, anyway.

Well, this exhaustion… I like to set nearly impossible goals for myself, most of which I keep secret, because though I suppose I cope with failure, I like to avoid it at all costs.
I think the last time I felt hopeful about life was while I was still stumbling through my MA, not really sure of what I was doing (as usual), but I thought it would lead me somewhere.
Then I graduated, and hesitated to apply to grad schools for many reasons…

So here I am, and here I’ve been for a long time… with flickers of excitement inbetween, distractions and experiences, none of which I regret… probably because there’s no point in regret, only lessons to be learned.

I’ve mentioned how work really sucks the magic out of me. I’ve been working at the same place for a year now (a year!) and it’s starting to give me an existential itch… wanting to explode.

So I have this (not so crazy idea) that I’ll be carrying out this year.
I also made a decision that I’d been wanting to make for a long time that I haven’t told a soul. (And I’m still not telling. Don’t wonder, it’s not even that interesting, but it is a chosen path of Fate.)

I kind of hate how sometimes my posts become all about my hair… but this is another decision I made that I’d only thought about in terms of “what if.”
Destroying my hair with bleach.

It doesn’t even look like the photos above anymore, I’ve lightened it one more time and the residual colors are fading.
I still feel strange when I look in the mirror and see blonde hairs on my hairbrush…

Though a purely superficial act, it’s symbolic for me… creation in destruction, a sort of death that needed to take place in order to allow rebirth. Rebirth of an imaginary state of being I only assumed in darkness, that took over me when I felt unlike myself…

So this existential discomfort is lifting with the simplest thing… something I want to do.

I’m still drawing pen sketches for Where Everything Lost is Found. I wrote a bit about it at my books blog. My deadline is May. Let’s see if I can come through.

welissketches

I’ve also been finding scraps in what little is left in my old house, which is to be sold soon. (Not going to talk about that.)

I don’t like the notion that, try as we might, we really are essentially the same person. This little bit below was in a tiny notebook, I never even used it, only transformed it and recycled the rhymes. But it made me go “bleh.” I was perhaps 16 when I wrote it. Not going to use it now, either, but this is precisely the person I’m trying to un-become.

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SLF on the internets!

Though I still refuse to acknowledge Facebook as “internet.” It’s just one huge suburb of the internet where you can see into everybody’s windows whether you want to or not…

But please, erectile if you made it all the way here, viagra sale go like SLF on facebook. I’ll appreciate it bunches.

Also, I have my first presentation at the UPR, and I’m really excited about it.

Click it. Say you’re going. Even if you’re not.

Other news… I was in NY last week with Velvet and awesomeness went down. Luxurious hotel fun, Dead Can Dance, and good times with friends. Photos elsewhere, but just to keep this personalized (?), here’s a photo. More (maybe) later.

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It’s 1:11 am and I’m still up, search and so overwhelmed by everything I want to do on my last vacation night – so overwhelmed, side effects that I have achieved absolutely nothing.

I spent part of the night grading tests, generic because on Monday I go back to work again, and work was so easily forgotten this past week! Even though it wasn’t particularly vacation-y… I went to bed late, picked up abandoned books, spent time online doing not much (though I reconnected with a few abandoned friends) and spent real time with some of my best friends. Sometimes I don’t realize how much I miss my friends until I see them again… kind of like old habits. I didn’t realize just how unlike myself I’ve been feeling since I started this new, repetitive schedule of going to bed early – to wake up early – to come home and work.

I’ve heard it from several people, more than once, that you have to make time to do the things you love, and this is something I intend to do, because even though one never really loses oneself, you might forget yourself from time to time… the prospects of that terrify me, not to mention, sicken me in a subtle way that make me feel dulled, restrained and absolutely miserable (but only to a tolerable degree). Because I always, on the brink of the unmentionable, have little bouts of insanity, sometimes painful, that bring it all back.

And, on the subject of work (pouring my heart out here still seems like an intimate thing to do, since I know only a very few read me, though I’m about to promote a change in that), more than once I’ve heard myself labeled “teacher,” which bugs me. “Oh, no, no, no, I’m not a teacher!” Though I am, I am not. The term as defining seems so limiting and dull… no matter who says it (a student, for instance). But I mean it in the context in which I’ve heard it used (more than once), as if what my work at this moment defined me as a person.

I am so much more comfortable undefined, even when I can’t figure it out for myself: I don’t care to.

End of rant.

(It’s late. )

Now, switching to something completely different… are you on bloglovin?

Click it: Follow on Bloglovin

I remember Sophie telling me about this months ago, but I am slow to do anything suggested sometimes… Not sure to what extent I enjoy the privacy of anonymity I’ve enjoyed thus far, I guess we’ll see…

To break the monotony of letters, I made another gif of my face, this time with a wig (also making a statement about wigs, a mini-rant I included with a shot on facebook), enjoy (if you enjoy that type of thing).

And back on the subject of things I want to do, all at once, but ended up ranting here instead, I really love painting and got back into it because I was commissioned by my uncle to paint something for him (which I haven’t started because he owes me a reference pic). But I finished an owl painting I started about a year ago (and abandoned about a year ago), and everyone likes the outcome (including myself). Click for larger image. Or click here for devation.

I finally bought myself a camera… all I need now is to start taking pictures (something else I wanted to do tonight but didn’t bring myself to). Hopefully, I’ll be photobombing soon.

And something that deserves a fair mention (on the subject of picking up abandoned books that I didn’t continue reading tonight), my friend Miguel published a book which is, so far, possibly too good to ever become ridiculously popular. Click it and follow the White Rabbit.

Anyway, there will be a very interesting and interactive presentation on August the 23rd (announced with specifics here) and I was invited to be a reader! Along with Daniel Pommers (El Esqueleto Presenta). I think this is pretty rad and I’m excited.

Plugs related to this: Generación del Atardecer Presenta | Postdandyexpress | Cosmos Burlesco fb page | Gato Malo Editores | Le Papillon

 

Now it’s 2.

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I think this update will be more pleasant for us both if I sort it by topics. So here goes.

  • I made a gif of my face for giggles. Hi.

 

 

 My friend Krisia (which you should go LIKE on facebook) took some photos of me in April, prostate we had such an amazing day! (You can read all about it and see the photos over here, if you’d like, by the way). Anyway, she had an expo last month, and I was surprised to find that this piece was among them! She did other portraits of girls based on her own photos of them which were also there, and this awesome one of a kind art book:

Click the images to visit her website, I invite you to stalk her.

  • Now. About Stars Like Fish… a couple of things.

If you’re thinking about buying it, I recommend you buy it from me on Etsy. It will be signed, customized and I’ll include little extras. Maybe. But it’s cheaper than online bookstores and probably more fun.

On that subject, OH MY GOSH, my internet friend forever Teresa wrote such a heartwarming comment on my book… please, please go read it. I’m kind of afraid of what people have to say about it (though also insanely curious), but Tere knows me and what it’s all about, plus she’s an intelligent, creative (and pretty) girl of letters and whatnot, so you might understand why it means so much to me. I snatched an image of hers:

Also: the book has some errors. Some typos, some mix-ups. I almost DIED when I started discovering them, even after I had edited myself (literally) ad nauseam. I had nightmares for days that I re-read the book and it was all nonsense, that there were tons of typos on each page… blah. New files have been uploaded, so new online buyers will get the error-free version (or, the less-error version). However, those of you who have the typo’d version: feel free to proofread it with a brightly colored pen, I will not feel disrespected at all.

I suppose the problem was that: editing it myself. Next time, I will hire some friends to do it for me. Not sure how to repay them, though… if you’re up for it, let me know. (Half serious. Emphasizing serious.)

Also, I’ve been getting interesting and very positive feedback from friends. THANK YOU.

On some of them comments I’ve gotten, here’s the advice I give to everyone: READ THE STORIES IN ANY ORDER, like the middle, working your way randomly. It was not written in order, and it isn’t meant to have a chronological order. Rather, it’s circular, coiling into itself.

And, paraphrasing my BFF María, don’t read it from start to finish in one sitting.

But then again, if you have it in your hands, it’s your book, read it however you want.

I’m really motivated to finish the one in the works.

  • On the subject of reading, click this link! No. I tricked you, if you’re here, you probably don’t read more academical papers, but if you like poetry and understand Spanish (even though the comment is written in English, click it).

 

  • Site-related: I have a new affiliate! Krystal is totally cool and it makes me happy to see girls on the web who still keep domains and quality personal websites rather than just a pre-designed blog. I may be hunting for more… if you’d like to affiliate with me, please contact me via any method in this site! Shoutbox, comment, any of my social sites. Please!

 

  •  And finally, for those of you to whom this is relevant, keep an eye on my GothAuctions, CyberThrift or Auctions @ a-e  because I just did some closet cleaning and will probably be posting some Demonia shoes, Lip Service, Tripp NYC and other Hot Topic-key items because life and age are un-gothing my existence. Well, mostly my closet, never my spirit. I’m also selling off my Living Dead Dolls (not all of them)…

 

  • I suppose that’s pretty much it for now, internet.

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I may be doing this backwards, advice but I’m not one to follow rules (not all the time).

I am a creature of the web – though not entirely by choice – so I think it is fair the way this book came about, as an actual book.

As the subject suggests, Stars Like Fish is now available for purchase at amazon and CreateSpace.

There are plans for it, but for the time being, it is only available online (trade paper and Kindle versions).

If you’d like a copy – and I’m hoping so!- , use coupon code SM3AUVDT at checkout on CreateSpace and get 3$ off!

I keep getting the question but what is it about?

It’s an anthology of short stories and poems with photographs. It’s an extended dream, really. If I start to describe it, I’ll end up writing something like what you will find in the actual book or bore you with theory. So go look at the previews instead. 🙂

They appear when you click “LOOK INSIDE.” It’s not what the paper copy looks like, only the Kindle version.

If you buy it and read it, PLEASE leave reviews. And spread the word! If you’re on tumblr, I appreciate reblogs of this post! And facebook likes and shares, tweet it!

Today I’m going through old notebooks once again, and it’s such a unique feeling… I’m working on a second. Since I know the number of people who read up here are limited (hi, Sophie), I let you in on all the secrets.

It’s already in the works, and will be finished in a couple of months. It’s another collection, this one of more poetry than SLF, and some poetic prose and short stories. The working title is Where Everything Lost is Found. I have no previews of the cover art yet, because it has none! But in time.

But back to reading old work… it’s like having a conversation with a childhood friend about events you had forgotten all about. Like becoming someone you used to be.

I really need to get all this old work on paper so I can return to the future.

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So for a few months I’ve been working on something very secret of a secretive nature.

For years and years I’ve had material collecting in corners of my class notebooks, healing scrap paper, viagra journals and blogs, case and, long after I had placed the idea of publishing in the very back of my mind (filed under “projects”), I decided to put it all together to be printed as a “book.” Because that’s what writers do… I’ve spent the last decade taking in literature and pushing out academic papers, building up an inferiority complex and at the same time, finding my own place in pages. Mostly virtual pages.

The decision to publish came about when, out of curiosity, I ordered Hélène Cixous’ Dream I Tell You, (I encourage you to click that link) a beautiful collection of dreams.  After spending a year immersed in theory (language, psychoanalysis and sctructuralism) while writing my thesis (on Lacan and Lewis Carroll’s Alice books), I was inspired. Why not?

Most of what I write comes from forces I have no control over, and most of those are the patchwork universe of my dreams. Friends and readers have considered my transcribed dreams to be short stories, and I suppose some people may be turned off by the thought of reading dreams… but I think dreams are the raw material from which a creative text can come to be, as words. The rawest poetry, or poetry in its rawest form, both interchangeable. I’m satisfied.

I’m publishing it myself, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. It will be my first personal publication, and I rather have no opinions or critiques involved (please don’t misjudge). I had tried, very long ago, and the process was far from productive.

It will be available for purchase in possibly a few weeks, after final revisions. If you’re a follower and happen to buy it (or obtain a copy from me), you may recognize some characters or pieces that used to be on my livejournal.

But it’s not ready yet… in the meantime, a teaser of the cover:

 

Now, on an entirely different subject, Velvet got the mermaid I drew for her tattooed yesterday! I sat with her throughout the session, we looked at a Bettie Page book meanwhile. Fun, fun. It’s now on the back of her thigh, and she’ll be getting another when I draw her an angled octo-lady. The artist made the face slightly different, but overall, it looks rather awesome! And OMG, my drawing is on my best friend’s thigh. <3

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